2004-11-07 - 11:24 p.m.
methamphetamine relapse (hooray)

i relapsed.

i guess i'll make the most of it and do homework or something. i mean i could stand to do some math extra credit and i need to type up my monologue for acting class and make up a conversation to type up for creative writing class. so i suppose that's what i'll do.

i'll be up all night anyway.

fuck, i only had two more days to go. on wednesday i would've taken my thirty-day chip.

fuckin' chad.

fuckin' addiction.

when he said he had it i was like...

damn

and i was praying. it was more of a chant. "god get me through this. god get me through this. god get me through this." but my addiction is stronger than god, i guess, because the addiction won out, just like it always does in the end.

is trying to stay sober even worth it?

who the fuck do i think i'm kidding with the "staying clean" bullshit?

i mean, yeah, i was kidding myself, of course. of course. of motherfucking course.

i'm not making much sense right now. sorry...

it's because i'm spracked.

- rachel

ooh, you touch my tra-la-la... mmm, my ding-ding-dong