2004-12-13 - 12:02 a.m.
whatever

i've got kind of a lot to write about, but very little energy to expend.

hmm...

i think i've had it with men. and women. this evening i saw veronica (and she and andree and i hung out... very strange), but she was being weird so i left, and i went to see ryan, who fucked me and then went to play video games with his roommates, so i let myself out, got a voicemail from veronica apologizing for being weird, and then i called her back only to find her drunk and zonked from ambien. nice.

so now i'm at home, staring at a computer screen, mildly worried about school (aren't finals this week?), a little stoned and just fucking over the dating scene.

not that i was dating either of them. so i amend that. i'm fucking over the fuck-buddy scene.

i just want to be alone with my books.

what else did i have? oh:

i take things too far. i was nearly killed by a thug i was fucking with a couple nights ago ("i'm a thug, beyotch! oh, i'm sorry, am i threatening you?"). and the drug use: again taking it too far. it's all i think about. it's all i really care about. it's everything to me. nugs, shards, powder, pills, what-fucking-ever. put anything i can snort or smoke or swallow in front of me and i'm all over it. and yeah, i'll be honest. it's scary as fuck.

- rachel

p.s. i love you too.

ooh, you touch my tra-la-la... mmm, my ding-ding-dong