2004-12-20 - 11:53 p.m.
ooh la la

i showed up at thursday's. it was a men's meeting so i left. you came out. "rachel. i'm so glad you're here." we went to jon's. we stood outside and you hugged me. "i've missed you so much, rachel. i love you. it's so good to see you." and you keep hugging me and i feel you go hard against my leg and it just reaffirms everything i've ever known about boys.

tomorrow i'm going to fuck robert.

on friday i'm going to fuck veronica. somewhere in between i'm going to fuck alan.

i'm going to kill this Bullshit all over again from the inside. start over from scratch.

crease the tinfoil. tip the baggie... carefully. chop a straw in half, light from the bottom and be goddamn quick! one FFFFFFT and it's gone.

chemical hits are the worst. they're not even worth the risk. just chop it and SNNNFFT. you get the same effect.

total and complete oblivion.

lu thinks i killed myself. i don't know why she even cares. i'm just a minion.

kristin's worried too.

none of it really matters anymore. i just wish everyone would stop worrying and leave me alone to watch porn and eat nachos and get high.

- rachel

ooh, you touch my tra-la-la... mmm, my ding-ding-dong