2004-12-22 - 3:19 a.m.
show and tell with some southern belles

kveis: norwegian word for "uneasiness following debauchery"

how come english has to have three long words (29 letters if i'm counting correctly) to describe something that takes one five-letter word to describe in norwegian?

anyways.

so i suppose it's me and robert. this seems interesting. he's the most boyfriend-like thing i've ever had, and it's all so weird because

a. we seem to understand each other on some fundamental level at which no one else understands either of us
b. we're not sick of each other yet
c. we haven't had sex (what the fuck?)
d. another reason that i forgot.

this is the first time in a loooooong time, maybe first time ever, that i've felt this way. especially about a boy.

is it possible that what the gross boys who've been trying to get in my pants for the past unresponsive few months have been right? that i "just haven't found the right guy yet"? i didn't believe it. "yeah, and i suppose you're going to tell me now that you're the right guy? back off, asshat. i'm a dyke."

and now suddenly there's this guy who seems just about right, and all of a sudden i'm not gay anymore and i'm all crushing on something with a penis? of course there are little things to be worked out, because we're both such ardently independent, individualistic people. we don't agree all the time, but this is new: we're both willing to fucking listen to each other. and influence each other. we're both open to each other's ideas, although maybe not as much as we could be, since we're both just starting out and getting our bearings and seeing just what is and is not acceptable to say to one another. and we keep noticing that there's very little that's not acceptable, and so today we were spun and basically vying for the mic for much of the day, but once we both chilled a little and actually started really listening, we found that we truly understand each other and complement each other better than either of us had ever before thought possible on such short notice (how long have i known this guy? like a month?)

i don't even care that he's in temporary (accidental) possession of my drugs! i'll just get them tomorrow morning. if he was anybody else, i'd be like, "oh my god, you have to bring them to my house, you have to hide them in the bushes, i know it's three in the morning but i JUST CAN'T STAND SOMEONE OTHER THAN MYSELF BEING IN CONTROL OF MY FUCKING DRUGS." and i'd be crying and shit. but when i got home earlier i was looking for the sack, couldn't find it, went and searched my car, was alternately befuddled and stricken with horror, and finally in desperation called robert, who checked the Secret Hiding Place and, lo, the shit was there! and i'm relieved.

sure, guy's a tweaker even more than i am, but somehow, with our understanding, i trust him to leave my drugs alone and give them back to me when he sees me next. and i'm not freaking out. sure, i'd like to do a line or ten right now, but maybe it'd actually be best if i ate a little something and got a few hours' rest. so this not-freaking-out: this is new. this perhaps is a direct offshoot of my conversations (group dynamics, the inner workings of the psyche of the intelligent addict, relationships with exes, effective methods of dealing with difficult situations and people, drugs, what it means to be a human, and how marvelous and amazing it is that we're actually having these talks) with this new boyfriend-thing.

time to smoke some budley and get my ass to sleep.

- rachel

ooh, you touch my tra-la-la... mmm, my ding-ding-dong