2004-12-29 - 1:11 a.m.
you're all cut

there's a shitload to say but all i can really express right now is what i've been telling myself for the past three days:

keep breathing keep breathing keep breathing keep breathing keep breathing keep breathing keep breathing.

it's all i can motherfucking do.

perhaps tomorrow if i'm not all passed out from coming down i'll transcribe this big long rant i just wrote about robert and why he's cut and veronica and why she's cut and me and why i'm cut. i'd do it now but i'm far too lazy and i think i'm hungry (that's exciting because i haven't eaten in two days except for half a bag of beef jerky this afternoon).

weed, pickles, family guy.

oh, and if she fucking dares to call my house phone at one:twenty in the morning, i will leave my house, right then, go to her house, kick in her door, and strangle her with her fucking fishnets.

i needed her tonight.

"best friends," indeed.

- rachel

p.s. but i did pen a really good rap about crystal meth. that would be the only productive thing i did today, and even that was only quasi-productive. i did not look for a job, i did not call a counselor, i did not go to a meeting (much less stay sober), and i did not come clean about anything. instead i drove forty miles out of my way and enjoyed a nervous breakdown in the car, by myself, risking death (rain coming down in torrents, looking like a cement wall built right outside and all around my car, combined with the blurriness of tears and the distraction provided by having to make an effort to breathe, made road conditions rather dangerous for me).

fuck everyone.

ooh, you touch my tra-la-la... mmm, my ding-ding-dong