2005-01-14 - 1:40 a.m.
"a girl who's too sad to give a fuck"

yes, yes, i realize that all i've written about these past few entries has been fuckin' veronica. so that's gonna stop now, since it's stupid and boring, and instead i'll put these lyrics from bright eyes. the song's called "lover i don't have to love" and i heard it for the first time today at jon's house. and that was the second time in two days i sobbed on the poor guy's shoulder. why the fuck does he put up with me?

i picked you out
of a crowd to talk to you
said i liked your shoes
you said, "thanks, can i follow you?"
so it's up the stairs
and out of view
no prying eyes
i poured some wine
i asked your name
you asked the time

now it's two o'clock,
the club is closed
we're up the block
your hands on me
pressing hard against your jeans
your tongue in my mouth
trying to keep the words from coming out
you didn't care to know
who else may have been you before

i want a lover i don't have to love
i want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck
where's the kid with the chemicals?
i thought he said to meet me here
but i'm not sure
i got the money
if you got the time
you said "it feels good"
i said "i'll give it a try"

then my mind went dark
we both forgot where your car was parked
let's just take the train
i'll meet up with the band in the morning
bad actors with bad habits
some sad singers
they just play tragic

and the phone's ringing
and the van's leaving
let's just keep touching
let's just keep
keep singing

i want a lover i don't have to love
i want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk
where's the kid with the chemicals?
i got a hunger and i can't seem to get full
i need some meaning i can memorize
the kind i have always seems to slip my mind

but you
but you
you write such pretty words
but life's no story book
love is an excuse to get hurt
and to hurt
"do you like to hurt?"
"i do, i do"
"then hurt me"

why does that damn song make so much motherfucking sense to me? maybe i am an emo kid.

i may be back later. if not, goodnight.

- rachel

oh, p.s., if there's any typos in the above lyrics, i copied them from a lyrics site (all of which are notorious for their lack of grammatical standards). it was a block of text that i separated into lines and stanzas where i thought appropriate, and i made it all lowercase, and i fixed as many typos as i could find, but the truth is it's one:forty in the morning and i don't really care about typos right now... i just care about explaining them. the end

ooh, you touch my tra-la-la... mmm, my ding-ding-dong